My Best Decision (Part 1 of 4)

I’ve made some good decisions in my life and some pretty bad ones.  Marrying Steve is the best decision I have ever made, hands down, and that has been truer every single day we have been together.  He’s not perfect (sorry, sweet tea 😉), but I am convinced he’s perfect for me.  It’s his birthday on Monday and we’re both very low on “Receiving Gifts” in our Love Languages, so I thought I’d write a post (or a few posts) about why I love and appreciate Steve so much.  I’m not the best writer but I can articulate things better and capture my thoughts more clearly when I write as opposed to speaking.  So here’s my birthday gift to the love of my life, Stephen Lee Yeung.

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First, a little background.

——-

In my 20s I was broken, confused, and extremely guarded.  I had not come to terms with my past experiences and had no awareness of how those experiences had shaped me as I became an adult.  I was carrying a lot of shame and self-rejection and didn’t understand the love of God at all, though I talked about it often.  This also bled into my thoughts about romance.  I had very narrow views of who I would marry, if I married at all, and on top of that I had a very bad theology around dating, unfortunately as a direct result of the Christian subculture in the late ’90s.  I “kissed dating goodbye,” kept guys at a distance and waited for “God’s best” for me.  And if no one showed up at my doorstep, I would be content to live single for the rest of my life.  I was pharisaical and religious, judging people harshly and quickly while having very little self-awareness (quite a log in my own eye) and living in a very black and white world.

Then somewhere along the way, as life would have it, my foundation got shaken to the core and I started to question everything:  moralism, love, spirituality, faith, my beliefs/values, God, my past, my identity… it was an unnerving and scary season.  I went on a journey knowing that I may leave Christianity behind but also believing that if God existed, he could handle my questions, doubts, and all that lies in between.  In a sense, I’m still on this journey and I suspect I will be for a lifetime.  But I can say with confidence that so far, the God I’ve found and come to know can handle it all, and then some.  And I also found he is more loving, more gracious, more perfect and more just than I had ever imagined.  I found out rules are important (and sometimes even necessary) but never more than relationship.  My heart began to change, soften, open up more to the wonders and possibilities around me and in the world.

And while I was marveling in my journey, he surprised me with Steve.

(To be continued)

 

 

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3 thoughts on “My Best Decision (Part 1 of 4)

  1. Pingback: My Best Decision (Part 2 of 4) | Lyrics of a Caged Songbird

  2. Pingback: My Best Decision (Part 3 of 4) | Lyrics of a Caged Songbird

  3. Pingback: My Best Decision (Part 4 of 4) | Lyrics of a Caged Songbird

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