I feel all kinds of emotions I never knew I had. They say it’s impossible to numb just one emotion. If you numb sadness then you numb joy too, and all those other emotions in between and all around. I’m hopeful and scared, happy and terrified all at the same time. I feel so loved, more than ever, but I also feel so vulnerable and exposed. They say these kinds of feelings will intensify as two people become closer.
I never liked roller coasters because I don’t like the extremes of that anticipation going up and the awful stomach-turned-upside-down feeling as you go down. So I always stayed on the ground at amusement parks, and ended up being the bag lady, holding everyone else’s bags while they went on rides. That’s been my life. I’ve mostly been the bag lady watching other people ride the ups and downs of married life. I’ve preferred to be the bag lady until now but I guess this lady’s gotta go on the ride sometime. And one of those times has come.