These may be some of my final posts as a single person so there is a lot on my mind. It’s been quite a journey to this place. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think I would be one of these people – getting married and all. I just didn’t think it would happen to me or for me. On some days it was difficult to accept but most days I lived somewhere between acceptance and resignation. And I was determined to be independent. After all, I was never one of those girls. I never dreamed about my knight in shining armor. I never thought about my wedding day. It just wasn’t of much concern to me. I suppose I was dreaming of other things and mostly just trying to survive the immediate situation. My escape to lala land did not include a white dress or a man (for sure, not a man) or children or a house with a white picket fence and a dog. Ok. Maybe a dog. My oasis in the desert land included something like a record producer discovering me as I sang out my sorrows on our upright piano and I would become rich and famous. I would provide for my whole family. And make art. And be…
happy existentially content.
None of those things happened though. And things I never imagined came to be.
I met a boy. Then broke up with a boy. I went on dates. I had nebulous relationships. I tried to define relationships that would not be defined. Ever. Even then I wasn’t so much yearning for marriage as much as I was desperate for meaningful relationships. So I made friends. People came and went. I learned to make the most of each season. And still never imagined myself in a white dress, walking down some aisle and saying I Do. Forever. To someone. Anyone.
Then one day out of the blue a very special guy showed up. Where did he come from? Why did we connect? How did the timing affect our development? I have no answer for these types of questions. All I can say is, it just happened. But that’s not where this story ends. That’s just where it begins. My life started to unfold in a book I never knew I owned. I learned life isn’t able to be contained in one book. Sometimes there are several books and most of the time, they’re surprising.