A few months ago, I heard from a wise person who talked about essential questions we ask ourselves in every decade of life. All of these questions are worth pondering, but as expected, I focused on my own decade (30s) especially because it resonated in me so deeply:
Why am I so exhausted all the time? Now that I have all these responsibilities and obligations, how do I manage all these priorities?
The year of 2013 is a big blur to me. How could it be December 24 already? If I think really hard, I can recall some special moments: weddings, babies, anniversaries, trips and vacations. And then I can recall some disappointments: getting the flu, losing my voice for 2 weeks, being rejected at an audition (all in consequential order), letting go of meaningful relationships, sacrificing peripherals like maintaining this blog and my website. But mostly, when I think about this year, I remember running around in a frenzy trying to get everything done. I remember being tired all the time. Call it age, call it overextension… I was exhausted in 2013.
I don’t want to live this way. I’m fortunate to be at a church that constantly emphasizes pauses, silence and reflection, however fleeting those moments are when we are gently nudged to do so. I’m also fortunate to be dating someone who loves to relax and vacation. Without such help, I would be breakdown central. All this time, I was convinced that I was an excellent cherisher of silence & reflection. I now know it’s not enough to cherish – for someone like me silence & reflection becomes another To-Do on the mile-long list of productive things I must accomplish.
So while I was running around like a chicken without a head, the emo-artist in me, who was rarely given any attention and never received enough time to flex her creative muscles, grew sadder and sadder. Imagine the saddest song you’ve ever heard me sing and then times that by 100. That is where I am artistically right now. And I thought it couldn’t get any worse! You don’t even know how many people came up to me this year asking me if I stopped writing because I was busy dating. Yes, I’m happy now since I have a boyfriend so I have no need to make music anymore. Um. No. In my deep inner world, I was grieving. So a couple of weeks ago when Orlando, our effervescent Communications Director at New Life Fellowship (not to mention, videographer extraordinaire), approached me about doing a music video, I jumped at the chance, even though I knew it would be during one of the busiest times of the year and I didn’t have much time to work out a decent track. Excuses aside, it’s amazing what a visual person can do with a a seedling of a song. I’m so happy with how it turned out and how effortless the whole process was. Many, many thanks to Orlando for executing this so wonderfully. And thanks to Steve for helping the whole time.
I’m so happy to share this song and video with you. Wishing you and your loved ones a very merry Christmas and a wonderful holiday. I pray you have some time to pause and reflect during this meaningful season.
With love, cate.