Spontaneity and Me

The other day I was sitting at a cafe (one of my favorite leisurely activities) and chatting with a friend about life and stuff.  During the conversation, he said something along the lines of, “People like you and me, we need more spontaneity…”  He went on to talk more about that but I couldn’t help but get hung up on that first sentiment.  Spontaneity?  As in, me… I am spontaneous?  I had never thought about this.  All I know is that recently, I’ve been becoming more and more wary of scheduling and planning and looking at my calendar and having to plan things weeks and months in advance.  I’ve reached my limit, honestly.  Something deep inside me just screams a loud “NO” when that calendar starts to get filled up.

I don’t like to be busy.  But I’m busy all the time.  What is up with this completely opposing desire and reality?  I know — we get busy the older we get.  Life just does that to you.  I get it.  But I don’t have to like it.  I’m starting to hone in on the fact that I really value time and if there isn’t anything going on, I feel each hour, each minute, each second just wasting away, and I’m not comfortable with that.  So I fill it in with activities, and more activities and then some more activities.

I’m tired.

I think a lot of that has to do with this very notion to which my friend was referring.  I need spontaneity.  That is a part of who I am.  I’m not talking spontaneity like bungee jumping or sky diving or going skinny dipping in a lake in the dead of winter.  They sound kinda exciting but not really anything I’d do or have any real interest in doing.  I’m talking spontaneity more along the lines of having an open schedule enough to be able to spend time with a friend on a moment’s notice or decide to go for a walk on the Highline or visit a dog park or strike up a great conversation with a stranger about something random or catch a movie that I did not plan on seeing or take a weekend trip to the woods for some fresh air, simply because I want to and I can.  I need this kind of spontaneity to feel like a whole person.  I realize this kind of freedom is not sustainable long-term but for now, I’m going to consider this time in my life a gift and be as spontaneous as I can be.

So, anyone wanna join me for a walk on the Highline?

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One thought on “Spontaneity and Me

  1. to your point, i wish i’d had time to while i was in nyc! i really wanted to see the highline extension, which i didn’t get around to doing before i moved. isn’t it ironic when you actually have to build time for spontaneity into your life? but such is the nature of life in a fast-paced city…

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