The Point of Dating

I find it really scary when I hear people say that they want to get married because they don’t like being lonely and therefore want a companion.  Those people are in for a shocking discovery when they realize married folk absolutely feel loneliness, and perhaps to a greater degree than singles because it’s one thing to be lonely when I am actually alone.  It’s an entirely different experience when I’m lonely right next to someone who I’ve committed to for life.

I’ve been drudgingly reading a book that a friend lent me a couple of weeks ago called “How To Find a Date Worth Keeping” by Henry Cloud.  For the record, I didn’t ask for the book, and actually, in recent months, I’ve dreaded talking or reading about dating, relationships and such topics.  I’ve had a kind of allergic reaction to these topics.  I’m not sure why; it’s probably because that’s all single people ever seem to talk about and somewhere along the way I  just got tired of it all.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not tired of dating.  I’m just tired of talking about it.

I find the title of the book ironic, since all throughout the book, the author keeps emphasizing that we shouldn’t date to find a marriage partner.  (The book is for people who are stuck and not satisfied with their dating life.)   Then why should single people date, you might ask?  Well, you’ll have to read the book.  🙂  It might be the most practical book that I’ve ever read in my life.  Among other suggestions, he says to meet as many new people as possible and have fun dating and getting to know lots of different people, and while you’re at it, work on yourself and realize most of the time the reason you can’t find someone “adequate” is because you need work yourself.  He goes on to say that every person needs a team of people who are willing to be honest that one can trust and listen to, to show us our blind spots.  I tend to agree with all of his notions.  Though I’m not necessarily enjoying the book (that would really be pushing it), I find his straight-up approach refreshing and true-to-life.

The point of this blog post isn’t really to talk about dating.  I just had that one initial thought and needed to write it down.

 

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6 thoughts on “The Point of Dating

  1. Cate,

    good thoughts about the book. I mostly agree with the book and what Dr. Cloud says. It actually is very refreshing and I think for the most part strikes a good balance between the uber conservatives that say you ONLY date to marry and the uber liberals that say date just to date with no intention of marrying and just have fun. But he definitely leans more towards the latter.

    I’ve actually heard him speak before and he promotes healthy relationships above everything else, which I think is a great thing for him to promote primarily amongst Christian dating circles. As Christians, we don’t tend to talk about how to have healthy relationships and how to relate to the opposite gender out of purely getting to know the other person without ulterior motives.

    He did a speed-dating seminar the time I heard him speak and thought it was going to be wack, but by the end of it, I was a huge promoter of it. He was just trying to help people get “unstuck” and just talk to someone in a safe, non-committal, fun way. It actually eased the tension and he wasn’t really looking for anyone to hook up through it. Just practice relating and talking in a easy, safe environment.

    Rock on, Cate.

  2. So when would Cloud recommend that a woman say “no” when asked out if the point of dating is “to meet as many new people as possible and have fun dating and getting to know lots of different people?” If a woman buys into his thesis and gets asked out why would she say ever say no? Could it be because most women do NOT buy into his thesis? I think so. And if men realize many if not most women reject his thesis why would they make much effort to ask women out to get to know them if the probability is high that women will say no?

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