Okay. I didn’t REALLY mean to reference Missy Elliot there, but you gotta give it to her. It’s a very cool song.
Let’s first do some laundering before I get into this entry. It’s never just about a guy. As much connotation as the word, “relationship”, has in our society, when I say relationship, I mean exactly that. Relationship. With any human being. Family, friend, significant other, spouse, whatever. I try my best to reflect honestly and sincerely, and a lot of it does come from personal experience, but it’s never as revealing as it seems. Nonetheless, I still do appreciate that I can share my thoughts on this blog. I do not take that for granted. Not for a second. I love to think and I love to write. Not being very good at either is not enough to stop me from doing both.
Now onto the topic at hand.
So ever since I wrote that last post, I keep wondering to myself, is it worth it even if it doesn’t “work out” in the end? By “work out” I mean I get to maintain and keep the benefits of the relationship. What if there is no fruit to this labor? Practically, I guess fruit from a relationship is the reciprocation of acceptance and love that I am presumably giving to the other person in whom I’ve invested. But what if this person is only supposed to be in my life for this season and this season only, and we will eventually move forward after parting ways? Do I continue to invest in this relationship even in that case? Is it worth it?
The overwhelming (and heartbreaking) response weighing on my heart is… yes. Even if I don’t think the relationship will end up somewhere favorable to me, I owe it to my self and the other person to give of myself because even that momentary interaction could be the exact purpose of us knowing each other at all. If I don’t give fully to the relationship, I could be missing out on the essence of the moment, the gift of right now. And sometimes, there is no telling what that is until some time in the future. This brings tears to my eyes. That means heartbreak of some kind is inevitable in all relationships.
And I think that might be the one thing that I was trying to avoid.
So let me think about this for one more second. I enter into this relationship with a person that has graced my life. I am hoping for a fruitful friendship or beyond and I am expecting this person to fill some kind of need, social, emotional, physical, etc. But instead, I have to give of my self and be available and vulnerable and all that for this relationship to solidify at all. And there’s a chance that the person might not reciprocate that. There’s also a chance that he/she may reciprocate it. The chance of our relationship ending at some point is greater than the possibility of it continuing indefinitely. And yet, it’s still worth it? What’s in it for me?
Well, the point isn’t really about me, is it? If I am really trying to genuinely love another person, it can never be about me. If I’m asking about what I’m going to get out of this thing, I’m probably going into it with all the wrong intentions. If I’m so busy thinking about my needs and wants, my insecurities and issues, I will never truly be able to love another person, will I?
And isn’t that the point? To love? Call me old school, cheesy, emo… whatever. But I still firmly believe that my purpose is to love. And love casts out fear. So I hold my banner of love, my hands shaking, weak in the knees and I take my next step.