Thoughts on Thirty: What? I’m 30?!

Just kidding.  I don’t really care that much.

Committing to writing regularly is not easy.  Committing to anything is not easy.  I realized this recently when I witnessed a friend of mine who couldn’t commit to ordering one thing from a menu at a restaurant and changed the order 2 more times after the waiter left our table.  On that note, I congratulate the many of you who got married in the last month or so.  That’s commitment for life.  Here here.  ::clink clink::

I don’t like how this blog series turned into a “How To Live A Successful Life in 3 Steps” self-help blog.  As if I have any right to be speaking on that topic.  Totally unintentional and maybe not even perceived as such, but it was starting to feel like it to me.  Not to say there aren’t elements of truth in what I wrote, especially when it comes to stuff about myself, but yeah, I decided to wrap it up on this post and write out the rest of the bullet points that I had waiting to be America’s Next Top Blog Topic.

Knowing and working on myself is the best gift I can give to those in relationship with me. I think it’s easy to point the finger and hope for the other person to change, but let’s face it.  We are a stubborn people.  It’s not easy to change, especially if someone else is imposing the change upon us.  But if I really love this person in relationship with me, whether it be a friend, spouse, boy/girl-friend, family member, etc., I owe it to them to be the best person that I can be.  I think that’s why we are drawn to people who bring out the best in us.  Presumably, however, these people are close to us and therefore, also bring out the worst in us.  So actually, perhaps it’s not the best idea to rely on another person for motivation.  The more I know my self, the more I am able to communicate my true self to another person.  The more I work on my self, the more I can contribute to the growth of the relationship.  Moving that plank out of my eye hurts, but it’s a wonder how I ever saw anything clearly before.

It’s okay for me to be myself, even if some people don’t like me. This really deserves a full blog entry because there are so many implications for me, but alas, I shall try to expound here.  “Being myself” is a hard concept to reconcile.  What is my self?  Should one even value the self?  How do I acknowledge my self without being egotistical and self-serving?  I’ll leave you to answer those questions.  All I know is that it took me a very long time to know my self (see previous paragraph) and I am just starting to be okay with being that self around others.  There is a deep part of me that wants people to just like me.  But I realize it’s not important enough to compromise who I am.  I found myself a bit on stage this past year as I tried to please a crowd that had gathered to be entertained.  I started out playing my sets interspersed with self-deprecating jokes, trying to lighten up the mood in between my reflective, somber songs, and hoping that people had a good time.  I found myself empty after each show and the more I dug, the more I found a false self being displayed on stage.  In the name of entertainment, I suppressed my true self and became a person I didn’t even know.  So I started to scale back the jokes, the forced fun-song, the unnatural chatter.  And I’ve started to play songs that cut deep and shared with the crowd much more of what was on my heart.  This process has carried over to my regular interactions with others.  I am much more who I am now than ever before.  It is liberating.

Facebook(FB) is a farse. Okay, it’s not a farse, but it’s not real, either.  I’ve gotten so many comments from people online and offline that I seem to lead an eventful, exciting life based on his/her viewing of my FB activity.  Maybe it seems like it but let’s face it (no pun intended) – whatever picture I’m painting for you, or whatever picture you’re choosing to see from my FB activity is not even a fraction of who I really am.  It’s who I’m projecting myself to be or who you’re projecting me to be.  If you really want to get to know someone, have a conversation with that person.  Status messages are usually flighty thoughts and photo albums mostly show only celebratory occasions in life.  And we all know life is way more than food and birthday parties.  Many a people have accused me of being a Facebook Fanatic (maybe that is true), but I actually don’t consider it much of anything at all.  I am waiting for the next FB, which I presume, will be coming sooner than later.  If FB shut down today, it would not affect my life in any way that actually matters.  That’s why I am in denial of my fanaticism.  ha ha.


And so goes life.


3 thoughts on “Thoughts on Thirty: What? I’m 30?!

  1. Facebook being a farce got me thinking. I agree with what you wrote, which got me thinking: “What if I had a bunch of pics taken of myself confined to this bed during my illness?” What picture would that paint for my FB watchers? Would it be taking disclosure and transparency too far. Just thoughts. I’m so bored lately and feeling horribly confined to this bed. Makes a person overthink things, I guess. Anyway, thanks for writing and sharing your thoughts.

    • I think it depends on what you’re comfortable with sharing, since it’s a choice for the “friend” to see it or not. It’s also a choice to be FB friends. I consider FB to be impersonal, so I am liberal about friending and posting… because nothing really personal goes on there. But the portal is used differently based on the user. If it’s a good outlet for you while you’re bed-ridden, by all means, please share. Thanks for reading, Idilio, and I hope to see your beautiful face soon.

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