I don’t know you at all. Part 2.

I guess I am wondering if I should stop digging just because I know I will never understand someone fully.  Or stop someone else from digging into me.  Cuz… that’s what I do. I dig.  I care about the little stuff like what you ate for dinner last night and what your favorite TV show is, but to be really honest, the stuff I really care about is the stuff that keeps you awake at night and makes you wake up in the morning.  I care about how you really feel about something.  Or someone.  What you really think about the world.  What you think about your self.  What you think about the condition of your spirit.  And if you don’t think about any of that, why you don’t.

If I am convinced that I will never really know you fully and vice versa, is there a point to knowing any of that about you?

I suppose that is why I have always been averse to small talk.  It’s like we have to do the little talk to get to the big talk and I have trouble getting over that hump.  It feels fake to me moreso than not.  If it was socially acceptable, I would start off every conversation with hello, who are you?  I mean, who are you, really?  (Don’t worry, I won’t do that, but that is what I am really thinking.)

I guess that’s why I gravitate toward people who are bleeding.  Bleeding life and the joy and pain it brings.  That might be why I have the illusion that I know someone by their artistic expression.  Oh, and don’t even try to convince me that you don’t bleed.  We all bleed.

I guess that’s why I’m writing this post now.

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2 thoughts on “I don’t know you at all. Part 2.

  1. “It’s like we have to do the little talk to get to the big talk and I have trouble getting over that hump.” — I agree, 100%.

  2. “If it was socially acceptable, I would start off every conversation with hello, who are you? I mean, who are you, really?”

    I think this too. And the wonderful thing is, when I (or you) meet like-minded people, we can ask these kinds of questions and have wonderful conversations. Maybe the next time we hang out, we’ll have the freedom to ask and answer such questions.

    “We all bleed.”
    I agree with this too. And I think it’s because I realize we all bleed, I have overcome that hump of small talk. Some people need it as a crutch or band aid so to speak. Those people are afraid to bleed all over you, so there are baby steps. Steps of increasing trust and vulnerability. And these steps lead to deep and more messy conversations; the kind of conversations we long for.

    I find that sometimes, I need to be the one to take those first steps, because if I don’t, the other person won’t know that it’s acceptable to bleed.

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