Let’em fall.

I cried in my sleep the other night.  Somewhere between the time when I was fully conscious and fully sleeping, my mind recalled a painful memory.  It must’ve lasted only about 3 seconds, but it was enough to wring out the full emotion of that moment. 

I woke up from that ‘dream’ and my heart ached so much, I couldn’t help but cry.  It was unintentional and uncontrolled.  I felt like a little girl who had lost her parents.   

I’ve been crying more than usual lately.   When a situation is sad, I cry tears of sadness.  When something is to be celebrated, I cry tears of joy.  Call me sensitive.  Call me emo.  Call me a woman.  Whatever it is, it’s a change from the way I used to be.  I used to hide my tears, hold them in.  I NEVER allowed anyone to see me cry.  I was an expert at putting up a hard exterior.  I couldn’t let anyone see me in such a vulnerable place. 

It took years and hard work to get here.  I had to consciously remind myself, It’s okay to cry.  It’s okay to show your weakness.  Honestly, in life, I feel helpless and weak equally as much as I feel confident and strong, if not more.  I had to intentionally allow myself to feel the pain and rejection that life often brings, and live in that reality. 

Perhaps I’m headed for the other extreme… and I’ll soon be tearing up at Huggies commercials and love stories.  But for now, this feels right.  No more stuffing emotions into a tiny little bottle.  For now, I’ll have to let pride take a back seat.  For now, I’m gonna have to put aside the facade.

For now, I’m gonna let these tears fall.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Let’em fall.

  1. As a man, it is my intention to pioneer a new image; an image where a man can cry, be emotional, affectionate to both his family and his neighbor, and still be considered a man.

    Even more importantly, regardless of gender, I hope to help people see that someone can be all those things and still be seen as a healthy individual.

    Being emotional/sensitive is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of a tender and compassionate heart. It is an outward showing of love. To be open about such things is to be vulnerable, but it is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is a sign of strength and understanding/acceptance of one’s self. It takes great courage to put aside a facade or a projected image of strength, only to reveal a soft underlayer. I admire your courage and commend you on your journey.

  2. I never had a problem allowing my tears to fall until about 2 years ago. I’m not really sure what happened but I’ve found it hard to cry since. Feeling the teardrops falling from my eyes bring a sense of liberation. I miss my crying days.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s